Paper, rock and this game really really sucks

So paper, rock, scissors (or paper, scissors, stone as it is known by some morons) is an old classic that everyone knows how to play. If you don't know how to play then leave. Get out. Right now. Go.

I know you're still reading even though you have no idea how to play, so I'll explain to you. Each player, after a count of three, simultaneously creates one of three symbols with their hand. each of the three symbols beats another symbol and is beaten by another symbol, making every symbol equal in strength. Well at least it would... if the men didn't always go for rock, because subconsciously they like to compare themselves to something hard. And women always go for scissors because they like to compare themselves to something sharp. And nerds like me always go for paper against a man and rock against a woman because they are aware of these facts and think it makes them clever. It doesn't. it makes them stupid, moronic, and it makes it very clear that they have too much time on their hands.

But then stupid, moronic, 'too much time on their hands' nerds like me actually start thinking about how BOLLOCKS this game is. The principle is paper wraps rock, scissors cut paper, and rock blunts scissors. But if your rock blunted my scissors... then my scissors are not going to cut your paper at all! And depending on the size of your rock... my paper may not wrap it! And how is wrapping a rock beating it anyway... the main body of what still remains consists mainly of rock. Surely a rock could be used as a paperweight... to hold the paper down and stop it from using its amazing wrapping power... And cutting paper doesn't actually kill it... because besides the fact that none of these frigging objects are alive, cutting paper in half actually multiplies it... leading to many smaller sheets of paper, which may well be able to gang up on the scissors in an epic battle between good and evil, and eventually and defeat it with a right hook and a pickachu's thunder attack.

So actually... this game is BULLSHIT. Especially seeing as last time I played I chose scissors and the moron actually pulled a piece of paper out and sliced it between my incredibly accurate scissor mime, giving me the most painful paper cut I ever got. So infact, paper beat scissors.

WHAT A LOAD OF CHEESY COCK WANK