Shower Dimples

With all due respect mister shower designers.... you are ridiculous.

Yesterday morning I was having my annual shower and there was a particularly unpleasant sensation in my foot. Kind of like a stabbing pain. But blunt. And with no penetration. Like stepping on a stone. But I wasn't stepping on a stone. Because I was in the shower. And showers don't have stones in you fucking idiot.

No, I was stepping on a shower dimple. This is not the correct term for what I was standing on. But I really can't be fucked to write 'one of those lumpy bits that shower designers put on shower floors to stop you from slipping over'.

So I was experiencing an unpleasant sensation in my foot due to a health and safety measure. Kind of like having to wear a seat belt when your younger but your parents can't afford a booster seat because they already had purchase the crowbar to steal the car you're in, so you won't have any funds for the next year or so. And the seat belt is digging into your neck, like a machete slowly carving into your jugular. Except this was like stepping on a stone. The two experiences are frighteningly similar. AND, whilst slightly off topic. I fucking hate seat-belts. they are bullshit. Sure they'll save your life... but they're uncomfortable and break your ribs. And if your fucking stupid enough to drive your car that forcefully into something that you'd catapult yourself through the windscreen then its probably saving more lives by you being dead and off the road to be honest.

So I'm standing on this shower dimple that is preventing me from slipping, and I decide that actually, its so uncomfortable that I'm going to have to move my foot off of it, because it is ruining my shower. So I slide my foot off of the dimple. A combination of shower gel and smooth shower floor leads to me slipping against the shower wall... which also happens to be the door, so it falls away leaving me falling out of the shower onto the radiator behind me. To which blood and lather and shampoo and pubes go everywhere, and I'm not due to have another shower untill 2011.

Needless to say, showers are a death-trap. And I can't help but feel they would be a safer place if they replaced shower dimples with seat-belts. Fucking morons.