2 Days....

Well, its been two days since the last blog post... so I'm needing to rant a little bit. The rant from Sunday surrounds bar crawls. We were on a bar crawl sunday night, and were having an absolutely EPIC time, before we left the house. As soon as we left all sorts of shit was going on. We left later than the crawl started, (naturally, cos we live with girls who decide its a BRILLIANT idea to start getting ready just as we should be leaving....), and were already wrecked, so decided to sprint round the first 2 bars that we'd missed. As we got to the first bar, it was closing. WHAT THE FUCK?! It was half past 9... a bar should NEVER shut at half past 9. But we thought "Fair enuf" and moved on to the next one. We get into the next one and it is empty, but this is one of the only bars that wasn't a huge dissapointment. We had the quickest drink ever known and stumble on to the next bar, which is where we caught up with the crowd. Unfortunately, this ment waiting half an hour for drinks, but never mind... When we finally got our drinks you had a 50/50 chance of drinking it, either the glass hadn't been washed and was so sticky it melded itself onto your hand, OR they'd washed it without drying it and it was so slippy you picked it up and automatically dropped it... I drunk mine because it stuck to my hand. My friend didn't because hers was wet still and sliped out of her hand and smashed into millions of tiny pieces that were hence scattered throughout the galaxy. So in true traditional style, we legged it. Next bar, again waiting ages for a drink, and by the time we were served I needed the toilet soooooo bad that I took my drink with me. Now, why in bar's do they always think about the toilets LAST? Because if they thought about them first, they wouldn't be in such a ridiculous place would they? These toilets were an epic journey that no drunk man could ever be prepared for, and by the time you'd actually found the toilets (to the back of the pub, turn 180 degree's and find a magical door that is hidden round a corner, go down a spiral staircase and follow the corridor round a full 270 degree's hence arriving at the toilet not only half pissing yourself but also very dizzy), you had to overcome one last trial... deciding which toilet is the ladies and which is the gents when both signs are blank... Taking a random gamble, I went left, and was successful (unless they've started puting urinals in the ladies toilets now for them 'talented' ladies?). However after I came out, I had to stand there for half an hour as a human signpost directing people to the correct toilets. In the end, i got pissed off. And took someones marker pen and defaced the entire area surrounding the toilet so that it was very VERY clear which toilet people should use. But, as a drunk man, I needed both my hands to do this, and I was still holding my untouched drink that I had purchased, not to recently any more. So I picked the nicest looking girl waiting outside the toilets for her friend and asked her incredibly politely "Would you mind holding this while I make it obvious where people need to pee?" and she was very nice and held my drink for me with a smile. WELL OF CORSE SHE HELD IT FOR ME! AND OF CORSE SHE SMILED!!! No-one turns down a free drink do they? Needless to say, when I returned, my drink was hardly enough to be considered a drink... more a very depressing looking brown dribble in the bottom of a glass. And again, needless to say, I had not had a very good experience in this bar either. Moving on to the next bar, it was about a 15 minite walk, and then a 15 minite queue, and then as soon as we set foot in there a glass smashed rite in front of my feet after being thrown right across the bar. FUCK THAT! Next bar was like a giant tent, and hence smelt of camping, mouldy pants and athletes foot. So we left there pretty quickly as well, especially as it was getting more and more busy as people realised the previous bar had violent tendancies. Next was the end point, the club. But looking at the time, it was not even 12, and so we figured we'd go home and drink some more for free, then walk back to the club at around 1-ish. So we did, and on the way home a bunch of girls came along and started to steal my clothes. Now, I enjoy fancy dress nights, but when I have to buy the same tie 3 times because every time I go out wearing it it gets stolen, i am not gona let it get nicked. And this girl grabbed it.... so I ended up bartering with a girl FOR MY OWN CLOTHES... what a tramp. I got the tie back, and we went home, when a friend of mine thought it would be a great idea to by the new Michael Jackson film (also known as "Michael Jackson: Now He's Dead We Can Make Money!") using my account on my playstation. Brilliant. Her reasoning for buying it... "I didn't know what it did, so I just kept fiddling with it till something happened." Well if she uses that philosophy in life, shes bound to go far... with 12 kids and a fine for benefit fraud. We left to go back to the club at one, got there at quater past one, and were turned away because they wern't letting any more people in. Apparantly they were "closed." YOU DONT CLOSE TILL THREE YOU WANKERS!? Why stop paying customers from coming in with two hours left to go?! People are so fucking retarded.

The moral of the story is..... WHENS THE NEXT BAR CRAWL!?!?!?!? Cos I can't wait! :-D