Bedtime FURY

You know how stereotypically everyone HATES their landlord? But theres no need to worry, because thats only in shit TV soaps like Hollyoaks, so you happily go to uni expecting your landlord to be nice and agreeable.

*SURPRISE* Hollyoaks is right folks. Landlords are cunts. Complete cunts. Supermassive black hole of fucking calcunta.


2 months ago. My bed broke.
This morning at 9 friggin AM, I get a telephone call from the lovely people at my letting agency saying 'He's bringing you a bed round in half an hour.' I then have half an hour to sort my room out so that this guy can fit a new bed into my room. The reason my room is a state is because I've already got my OLD, BROKEN, bed scattered around my room in parts, and am sleeping with a mattress on the floor. Now is the point in my story where i have to highlight how fucking stupid my bedroom is. You know in sims, and how hardly anyone bothers with a second level of a house due to a) you not owning the super subspace computer sims needs to run with no lag and everytime you change level you have to wait a day and a half before you can play again, and b) Staircases take up so much friggin room!!! My room is a loft conversion, and hence has a friggin staircase in the middle, making my room just the wrong shape for any item of furniture. The bed is slightly too big to fit. the draws are slightly too small, the desk is too short, the wardrobe is shit, there's only one window and the fire alarm sometimes decides to randomly beep. However, for the last 2 months, I have had to fit not 1, but 2 king sized bed shape objects into my room whilst i wait for the landlord to come and fix it and take the old one away... 2 FUCKING MONTHS.

So this morning the man comes, and says 'I've got you a new bed base, you have a mattress already don't you?' I respond with '....yes' suddenly realising I spent all my time sorting my bedroom out for the new bed i hadn't got dressed and was currently standing in my front doorway wearing just my boxers looking pretty damn pathetic cos it was cold and everything had shrivelled inside... including my nose, which is embarrassing let me tell you.

We get the bed base in, and now my bedroom looks like a furniture jumble sale. We put the mattress on top to realise that I've got a double bed base and a kingsize mattress.... so my mattress is flopping off all the edges of the base. The guy that brought the bed round is not my landlord, but just a mere lacky working for the letting agents. I can only imagine this is because the landlord is scared of me due to angry letter i sent to him clearly stating thus "If you do not fix my bed I will kill your kids and rape your wife in the ear. Also I will not pay the rental charge for the house or either of the above.   Yours Lovingly, Lee Samuels. P.s. After I kill your kids I will rape them too. So please fix my bed." So when I told the stupid lacky it didn't fit he grunted and started to leave. I then asked him what I should do with my old bed, to which he said 'Put it in the garden?' I responded with 'Won't i get charged for leaving shit in the garden?' and he said 'Probably' and left. Leaving me standing in a bedroom with draws that are slightly too small, a desk that is too short, the wardrobe that is shit, my one window, the fire alarm that sometimes decides to randomly beep, a kingsized bed frame, a double bed base, a mattress; once again on the floor, and not enough room to swing a playful kitten that wants nothing more in life than too be swung.

My landlord is a cunt.